And that is the added dimensions and textures of the Inner World. Running parallel to all the hot sweats, loss of libido and mood swings etc. is the mind-altering process which swings open the doors to the vast horizons and unknown terrains of yourself that all those hormones were distracting you from.
During my life, I have experienced some incredible highs and altered states from Kundalini Yoga, fasting and initiations - but this realm is here now constantly. In the past, I would get a glimpse of the vastness of reality and be changed forever. Now, this 5D, surround sound widescreen experience is a constant companion.
I think what has happened is this. When I was younger my hormonal drives kept me preoccupied 'out there', chasing men, dressing up, going to parties, creating a persona/reputation - living up to that persona/reputation, buying stuff, travelling around etc. But now that those hormones and their corresponding desires have wained - the clouds have parted and the ways of the All can be seen.
This vastness crept up slowly. Which I think is a smart move. If it had suddenly appeared - I truly would have thought someone had spiked my drink, or that I'd stepped over the edge. And the fact that it doesn't go away would have really freaked me out. But because it has been slow and steady, I have adapted and accepted this new facet of awareness and beingness, and of course, am now loving the whole added dimension and excited for what more could possibly happen next.
For me, this extra depth is fully and completely connected to Nature and the Natural World. I am not contemplating the meaning of the Universe, mathematics, science nor even Priestess/Temple work (which was my greatest passion). No, what has happened for me is this slow-ish alteration not only of my perception but 'what' it is that I am looking at. Combine all these inner changes with where I am living (French Pyrenees) and boom - my reality is at fever pitch! Again - literally.
My direction has changed. Not just my direction in my work, but my direction in everything. I am heading in a different direction - and it feels very very good. And I believe 'good' is the operative word. It feels good, honest and true. There is no glamour, no specialness, no nothing that the world can name.
There is still responsibility - but it comes with a Lightness. Everything appears now to be going vertical, my horizontal days (literally) are over.
I have this desire to live as purely and as impeccably as possible. I feel the inner nudge to work with my energy to become compatible with who I am becoming. Its a process that I know is going to happen. I can feel the inevitability around it all. And so my prayer is to become harmonious within and with all my surroundings.
So, beloved friends - I hope you get to read this piece. Despite all the human suffering of letting go and all the emotional chaos of that - if you just look up, or in - you will see the Absolute reality - and that, that brings you to your knees.
PS... Pete Wilson. I wished I could have given you my body in wild and exciting ways, but I have a funny feeling, something even more glorious is coming our way.